We all listened with rapt attention as Uncle Steve
narrated a personal experience he described as a
narrow escape from the hands of a young,
calculating, gold digger and her mother. But for
reluctantly opting to undergo a vasectomy seven
years ago, he would have blindly walked into a trap
and become a polygamist, he said, and we all broke
into laughter, including his wife.
Uncle Steve was not one to hide or mince words, he
is a professional ladies man, if there is anything like
that. I had always wondered why his wife allowed
him so much freedom and preferred to look the
other way even when Uncle obviously went out of
line with his relationships and stories. But by the
end of that evening, a small gathering of close
family and friends to mark his wife’s 57th birthday,
I had a clearer picture of the relationship this very
unique couple share.
At 59, Uncle, as we fondly call him is by all means,
a successful gentleman, especially by typical
African or Nigerian standards. A business man and
Lawyer with connections in and out of government
circles, extending even to border countries, he had
almost everything going for him. To his name are a
couple of houses in choice areas of Lagos and
Abuja as well as the Uk, and Dubai. His five children
are all grown up with the last, a university
undergraduate and a wife who shunts across
countries, combining business with pleasure as she
fiddles with a fabric business she obviously had no
need of its proceeds. It is simply her way of whiling
away time since her husband has little or none to
stay at home by her side. Besides, to such a
couple, home is indeed a difficult place to define.
It is therefore only natural that Uncle Steve has
a string of female companions, and it is no big
secret, for most women are easily attracted to
the trappings of his personality. Women are
naturally drawn to men of means and power and so,
they willingly flock around him for whatever they
can will out of his hands. This is however not a
difficult task as Uncle Steve’s reputation at
generosity precedes him. He has no inhibitions about
spending lavishly on the ladies he shares his bed
with. Perhaps, depending on luck or bargaining
power, some of his women have been known to walk
off with moderate settlements in terms of fat
bank accounts, houses and even establishment of
businesses of their own.
According to him, once a while, he meets ladies he
does actually either fall in love with or is highly
emotionally tied to. Those ones often enjoy a
special place in his life and more perks than the
regulars. One of such young women was Laide, a
university undergraduate he met at the Island club
during one of their regular parties. Pretty, humble
and respectful, Laide was also an extrovert
studying Law and this further endeared her to him.
He really enjoyed her company and decided to have
her around for as long as possible in a mutually
benefiting relationship to both of them. He treated
her like his baby and practically took care of her
needs, sometimes, extending his largesse to other
members of her family with whom he had become
acquainted. Three years plus down the line, Laide
completed her studies and commenced her Youth
Service year, then the unexpected happened. She
dropped a bomb shell on Uncle Steve. She was
pregnant.
He’d thought she was joking and promptly told her
there must be a good reason for the delay in her
monthly cycle. It could be hormonal or health or
stress related, he suggested, and asked her to go
for a retest as he was sure she was not pregnant.
However, he became worried and began suspecting
fowl play when Laide called him a few days later to
confirm that the retest was also positive. He said
it was at that point that he realised that Laide
was serious and began suspecting her of planning
to trap him into a permanent relationship. If she
was indeed pregnant, it was definitely not his.
And even though it was a confirmation that she
had not really been the faithful, though naughty
girl he assumed her to be. He was not really angry
as he’d expected her to have a young man of her
age that she would eventually settle down to
marry. In fact, he had plans to sponsor her
wedding, anytime she decided to settle down. That
was how much he was fond of her. He had no idea
that she had an agenda of her own and was
desperate enough to try to pin another man’s
pregnancy on him to achieve it.
So, he’d invited her over for the weekend in a bid
to help her sort things out and assist her get
whoever was responsible to do right by her. But he
was further disappointed when she insisted that he
was her only lover and was responsible for the
pregnancy. She told him to man up and stop
embarrassing her, after all, they had been sexually
intimate for almost four years without protection.
Uncle said it was at this point that he became very
angry and told her he would not accept
responsibility for her pregnancy and she should go
and sort herself out. He said he left her at the
apartment the next morning in annoyance after
dropping a note that the driver will drop her off at
the airport anytime she was ready to leave.
For the next couple of weeks, Uncle disclosed that
Laide did not allow him a breathing space as she
kept calling and sending text messages on why she
would not have an abortion and he must accept the
pregnancy and take care of her and the baby. He
refused to pick her calls nor reply her text
messages. She promised to remain in the shadows
with her child and would not embarrass him or his
family. All he had to do was settle her and the child
and he could take a walk. He does not even need to
mention them in his will, she offered. At that point,
he said, all the love and affection he had for her
flew out of the window. It was not the first time
a lady had tried to pin a pregnancy on him, but so
far, she was the most brazen and most
determined.
He understood the game, she was trying to build a
safe and comfortable nest for herself. But she
was backing the wrong horse as he had undergone a
vasectomy as a birthday gift to his wife when she
turned 50. It had been the only way he could
assure her that he would never have a child outside
of their marriage. He said it was only after the
procedure that his wife had found peace, happiness
and a new lease of life and willingly left him to his
escapades. Seven years down the line, he’d been
clean and checking regularly and could therefore
not father a child as Laide was claiming. So, he’d
advised her to look elsewhere for the father and
not to bother him with such stories again.
As I made our way home later that evening in the
company of a cousin and two others, one of them a
male, I reopened the discussion. We unanimously
agreed that Uncle had done the most noble thing,
considering our culture and the fact that he had
enough resources at his disposal to have far more
number of children than the five he has. The women
went on to rain abuses on Laide, for daring to
attempt such an invasion into another woman’s
territory. Her lack of shame, guilt or conscience
was also breathtaking.
Had Uncle not been sure of the status of his
fertility, she would have had her way and dumped a
bastard child on his laps. But Dipo, our only male
companion had a different view and wondered why
Uncle had gone to such drastic measures just to
convince his wife that he would not have children
outside of their marriage. A vasectomy was too
extreme and unsafe as anything could happen to
warrant a reversal or review of his position.
Without thinking, we all shouted Dipo down for his
insensitive and reckless views. Why should anything
happen to cause him to regret his decision? The
worst case scenario was death of all five children.
Not impossible, but it definitely was not Uncle
Steve’s portion.
I have not stopped wondering since then why we
cannot have more men like Uncle Steve rising up for
their wives and protecting them even when the
odds does not seem in their favour. Why women
have to be the ones to fight tooth and nail,
employing all possible measures, including scheming,
blackmail, cajoling, prayer and fasting, armtwisting
and even remote control (juju) to ensure that the
union’s booty are kept safe for themselves and
their children? Must some of our men always be
carefree and reckless with their extra marital
affairs such that they undermine, compromise and
sacrifice their wives and children’s welfare?
Besides, must women always be the ones to worry
about family planning and contraceptives?
Lets meet here again next Saturday for the
concluding part of this discourse. Please remember
that you can always reach me via email address:
yetty5050@yahoo.co.uk should you wish that your
reactions or contributions to issues raised on this
page be published. Do have a wonderful weekend!
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